The best way to handle confrontation

Confrontation.

We all suck at it, we all hate it, yet it is necessary to be confrontational in relationships.

 Why?

To feel heard, seen and respected. The problem lies in how we address our concerns.  Expressing ourselves quite often doesn’t end well. We say mean things, we shout and we feel guarded. When we want to tell our partner how we feel it usually ends up being about what they are doing, that the problem is with them.

What to do instead.

Bring up the concern at an appropriate time:

·        When you are alone together

·        When you have time (no commitments or heading out the door)

·        On a walk or in a coffee shop (better for releasing and not losing cool)

·        When you are not exhausted.

This will set up the conversation for a good start.

 The next step:  Talk in feelings without blaming or shaming the other person. This is difficult if the concern as about their behaviour but can be done by using your feelings and making the conversation about how you feel, not what they have done.

Talk about giving each other constructive feedback and mention the conversation is not a meant to be personal attack. Let the other feel what they need to feel. Tell them it is ok and to take time to think and respond.

Then try not to interrupt (I suck at this and must work hard at it). Remember that we can’t fix anything if we are on the defensive or expect the other person to do things our way.

Acceptance of the outcome is crucial. As long as each party is actively making a decision to try to change behaviour, that is all that is needed. And remember that change takes time and sometimes a push and gentle reminder.

Taking responsibility for self is paramount.

If you struggle to understand how this looks or if you can change your communication style, I get it. Change and knowing what to do can be overwhelming. That is why I have done all the hard work for you.

Feel free to book in a Free clarity call to see how you can Transform your relationship.